“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.” - Marcus Aurelius
A couple of years ago, I read Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey. One section about finding yourself stood out to me. He talked about how maybe the way to find yourself isn’t by adding more things to do, more experiences, or even more identities. Maybe it’s about getting rid of what no longer serves you.
Before reading that book, I had already become fascinated with minimalism. Minimalism is the idea that cutting unnecessary things out of your life creates clarity and helps you focus. You don’t need a ton of stuff to survive or to live a full life. More possessions do not equal more happiness.
McConaughey’s idea clicked with me because maybe our focus shouldn’t always be on what else we can do. What other book can I read? What new habit can I adopt? What else can I pursue that might give me clarity?
Maybe clarity comes from taking inventory of ourselves. It comes from understanding where we are, where we want to be, and what is no longer helping us move forward.
We gradually take on a lot of responsibilities in life. We become parents, friends, spouses, and coworkers. We say yes to people, accept more responsibilities, and add more things to our plates. Eventually, it can all become so burdensome that we lose track of who we are and what we really want from life.
We enter a sort of identity crisis and start trying to discover ourselves again. In reality, what we may need is to say no to more things. We need to become comfortable removing tasks, responsibilities, and habits from our lives so we can see more clearly what we actually want.
I find this especially helpful when I’m trying to declutter my mind.
I have a habit of taking on too many projects. Eventually, my attention becomes divided in so many directions that I lose track of what is important and where my mind needs to be. Instead of being present, my mind is in ten different places. It becomes overwhelming, and it stresses me out.
The solution is usually admitting, “That is helpful. That could be valuable to my life. But right now, I have to say no.”
Sometimes I have to pump the brakes on something and push it further down the road. Maybe it’s something I will pursue later, but right now, I need to focus on what is already in front of me.
It means cutting ten different areas of focus down to three, four, or five. It means being a little ruthless and saying, “No, that isn’t for me,” or, “Yes, that is for me, but not yet.”
One of the most helpful things I’ve learned to do is write everything down. When I have too many things going on in my head, the best thing I can do is sit down, put them on paper, and think through them. Sometimes I talk out loud or go on a walk and ask myself, “Is this really for me?”
Sometimes the answer is no, and I need to let it go.
Giving ourselves space to get everything out of our heads provides the clarity many of us need when we reach the point of mental bloat. Without that space, our responsibilities become a laundry list we can no longer manage, and we begin descending toward burnout.
I think it is good to be responsible for a lot of things. It is good to be someone other people can depend on. But if we aren’t careful, we can take on things that aren’t important or urgent. We pursue opportunities that aren’t necessary right now, or we accept tasks that don’t require our immediate attention.
Some people can become laser-focused on an idea and pursue it until the goal is achieved. Nothing else distracts them from it. Others enjoy helping people, exploring different interests, and trying new things. We can easily find ourselves pulled in too many directions because so many things genuinely interest us.
For people like us, one of the most important things we can learn is how to say no.
We have to become comfortable cutting out things that don’t serve us right now, even when they are good things. Saying no does not necessarily mean saying never.
Sometimes it simply means, “Not yet.”