You Can’t Heal What You Refuse to Question

The most important answers in life come after the seventh why.

We often get asked the question, “What do you want out of life?”

And when we’re young, that question feels enormous - a mountain of uncertainty disguised as curiosity.

But here’s what most people miss: we get so focused on the what that we forget to ask the why.

For example:
What do you want out of life?
“I want to be a millionaire.”
Why?
“So I can have money.”
Why do you want money?
“So I can buy nice things.”
Why do you want those things?
“So I can feel good about myself.”
Why do you need things to feel good?

If you keep asking why, eventually you reach a truth that stings - or frees you.

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Ask “Why?” 7x’s

I learned a long time ago that you can often find the source of any problem by asking why at least seven times.

If you’re feeling anxious, ask why.
If you’re angry, ask why.
If you’re chasing something, ask why.

Each layer strips away an illusion until you arrive at the core - the real reason you feel what you feel or want what you want.

Carl Jung once said,

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

That’s what this practice does. It shines a light on what’s been quietly steering your life.

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Respond, not react

People who know me often say I’m calm under pressure - that I can handle tough things emotionally.

And I believe it’s because I’ve practiced asking why instead of reacting.

When someone says something hurtful, I try to pause.

Why did they say that?
Why are they angry?
Why are they lashing out?

Usually, it has nothing to do with me. Most people aren’t malicious - they’re just hurting, frustrated, or overwhelmed. And when you see that, compassion starts to replace frustration.

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
- Carl Jung

That shift - from reaction to reflection - changes everything.

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Why perspective is so powerful

The more I’ve practiced asking why, the more I’ve realized how much it reveals.
When you trace the chain of cause and effect backward, you start to see people - and yourself - more clearly.

You understand that most pain isn’t personal.
Most anger isn’t aimed.
And most people aren’t evil - they’re just caught in loops of their own unhealed stories.

Viktor Frankl once wrote,

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.”

That’s what why creates - space.
Space to think.
Space to forgive.
Space to grow.

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Today’s challenge

So here’s my challenge to you: practice this today.

When something frustrates you - ask why.
When you want something badly - ask why.
When you feel off - ask why.

And don’t stop at the first answer. Keep going.

Dig seven layers deep until you find the real truth - the one that explains not just your choices, but your heart.

Because on the other side of why is clarity.

And on the other side of clarity is freedom.

“He who knows himself is enlightened.”
— Lao Tzu